Back on Track

Well, it seems that motivation has returned and I'm getting back into the daily routine of a workout.

I think I just needed a break from constantly focusing on my weight and exercise. Talking to some online friends and complete strangers at a charity dinner has sparked me again to make an other push.

I think hearing other people struggle helps. It sometimes feels like I'm the only person in the world that has to deal with this, but there are other people out there that are dealing with the daily struggle of fitting in a workout, making the right food choices and trying to balance it all out in their day to day life (it's just not the people I see at the grocery store...).

So a 45 minutes Cardio workout with Maya today (and I'm definitely feeling the non workouts for the last couple of months... my arms are killing me).

I still think scare tactics work best with me. Either thru health (that whole cholesterol thing really worked) or how I physically look. I remember the silk skirt I made for a cruise that didn't fit... back when I had 48" hips. I also just went and looked at the pre workout photos. It's always a wake up call. If I don't take care of myself, I'll look like that again.

So here I am, in the biggest glutony season and it's all the more reason I need to keep the exercise habit going. If I want all the fun and fabulous foods (with in reason, of course) I need to work off the extra calories.

So I'll keep an eye on how much I'm eating, keeping to a balance diet while watching the portion controls and making sure I stay active. Basically, that's how I live my life...

Motivation, or the Lack Thereof

So no posting is a good indication that I'm still just not motivated. I am working on it.

I've had a couple of conversations lately with people about weight loss, exercise and diet. This always helps me think about what I'm doing (or more specifically, not doing).

I know what needs to be done, but staying motivated is really really hard for me. I do not have a great attention span. I get bored easily and when I'm interested in doing something, that's all I want to do.

Lately that's been the Sly Cooper series and my knitting. The workouts have suffered. Suffered big time. Like I'm not doing any at all. I think in the last 4 weeks I've workout with Maya once and I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. Yep, that's it.

I've been asking myself what I need to do to motivate myself. Basically, I just need to do it. No excuses! So I got up, put my workout clothes on and did a 45 minute workout with Maya. I'll be paying for it tomorrow (it was upper body and my triceps are killing me now... can't imagine what they'll be like tomorrow).

The problem that I have is that once I stop working out, it's hard for me to get back on schedule. I had some severe pain in my knee a while ago and thought it would be a good idea to take a little break. Well, it's become a long break and I just can't get myself back to my daily workouts.

However, I still want to lose 5lbs before the end of the year. That's 5lbs in 4 weeks. I know I can do it, but I need to stay motivated, work harder and pay attention to what (and how much) I'm eating.

So no more excuses. If Matt can work on taking 3 minutes of his time trial time, then I can lose 5 lbs!

Drawbacks Of Weight Loss That Nobody Tells You

So today is my wedding anniversary. Which means that Matt and I will enjoy a romantice dinner out (which for me means someone else gets to do the dishes.. woo-hoo)

Back when we went on our Alaskan cruise, I bought the perfect black skirt (on sale, I might add). It was longish (hit me between the calf and ankle) and in a nice knit. Had a great drape. The thing that made it perfect? Well, the top I wore with it made it dressy or casual. I could wear it with a twin set for a stylish casual dinner or with a dressy top and heels for a dressy outfit. It was comfortable, packed well and was flattering on.

Sadly, it no longer fits me. I've lost 25 lbs since I bought it. While losing the weight is fabulous, I'm mourning the loss of a perfect skirt. I know that that kind of clothing is rare to find and I will forever try to find an other and I know I ever will (as that always happens when you find the perfect piece of clothing).

So here I am with my limited wardrobe. Having lost 60 lbs with an other 30 to go, I only bought what I've needed as I've lost weight. Now I have the dilemma of what to wear tonight. We will be going to a nice resturant, so I don't want to wear too casual clothes, but I'm at a loss what I have in my closet that will fit and be the right level of "dress".

So a moment of silance for the loss of a perfect black skirt. We will miss you, but the sacrafice is necessary in the process of the goal.

Frustrating!!!

So I do think taking a month "off" was an excellent idea. I only worked out a couple of days a week and I watched what I ate, but wasn't militant (hmmmm, cookies at Stitch n Bitch and the extremely dangerous baked Cheetos and let's not forget the really yummy chocolate covered pretzel ice cream from Turkey Hill. That stuff should be illegal).

Part of me knew that taking time off and cutting down significantly on my exercise would be detrimental and that I was risking a weight gain.

So I knew it was time to get on the scale again. It can actually be very motivating for me to see a gain, so I was prepared for a 3-4 pound weight gain.

However, that's not what it was... so guess what kind of weight gain I had. I mean I barely worked out the last month, and when I did workout, it was for maybe only 30 minutes or so. My eating habits, while close to my "usual" eating habits, did have a lot more junk than usual.

That's right, I weighed in at 155 lbs. That's actually right around where I normally am (I've been flucuating between 154 to 155 lbs since January). All the hard work I put in this year for no loss and then I relax and there's really no difference?

It's actually very frustrating. You're told that if you work hard and eat right the weight will come off. I worked hard and I ate right and I didn't lose weight in 9 months. I decided that I needed a mental break from worrying so much about it, prepared myself for a set back and it didn't come. Argh.

Now while not gaining a lot of weight is a positive, it's very frustrating to me. What the hell do I need to do to lose weight? I'm thinking the break might have been it.

Well, I think the break was necessary. I think my body just lets go of weight in small increments and needs to get used to maintaining a weight before it starts allowing me to burn off more. Maybe this little break will help me kick up my metabolism again. Shock it back into a weight loss cycle again.

I'm also going to focus on a lot more variety this time. While I still think I get the best workout with Maya, I don't think she's good to use every day. The fact that she does the same weight training exercises EVERY day is actually not good. The squat/lunge combo in every single workout isn't good. She needs to take a break from strength training exercises. While I think it's great that she offers a complete workout, she really should only be used every other day to allow the muscles to recover from her weight training exercises. So that's what I'm going to do. Maya will be done on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Alternate days will be a treadmill or stationary bike workout with no weights at all. If I decide to do an aerobic workout, I'll use Maya, but only the cardio segment (I'll shut her down when she gets to the weights). I'm also going to be sure to take one day off a week.

Yesterday's workout: 45 minutes (well, actually 50 minutes as Maya thinks when you select 45 minutes you actually really want a 50 minutes workout) of the upper body workout with Yourself!Fitness

Today's workout: 2 miles on the treadmill at a brisk pace (for my short legs, that's about 3.0 mph), level surface.

Time Out, Time In

I decided that I needed a break from my weight loss goals. It's been such a major focus on my life in so many ways (including this blog) that I was getting burned out.

I will say that I spent the last month "relaxing". Less effort and time was put into the whole weight loss process. I didn't workout every day (and I'm still not, but I'm going to start concentrating on that again) and I wasn't as focused on my calories in vs. calories out.

I do recognize that my eating habits have changed. Even with a relaxed attitude, I still keep an eye on what and how much I'm eating. So yes, the eating hasn't been meticulous, but I still think we eat a very balance, healthy diet with the occassional junk.

The difference is that to lose weight I need to be solely focued on it. It gets old. There's a big difference in lifestyle between maintaining and losing weight. It's about the deficit. Being sore, being hungry, spending the time and effort. It's hard. It's really really hard. And it gets frustrating, as I swear the harder I work, the less results I see.

I know that's not the case, as it's my expectations that are raised when I work harder. I think, work harder=see more results. Quite frankly, that's not the way it works.

So here we are heading into the holiday season and I'm trying to get myself back into the "weight loss mind frame" again. Not easy, but it can be done. I did it last year. My total weight loss for 2005 has been about 1 or 2 lbs (and I may have gained that back with the relaxed attitude for the last month. It sure doesn't take much to put it on, yet it's soooo hard to take it off).

So back to the daily goals. It seems to work with my knitting, let's see if I can do it with my weight loss.

Today's goal: light day. (I'm having some dental work done today, so I'm going to keep the workout light). Let's say 2 miles on the treadmill.

*tap tap tap* is this thing on?

well, as you may have guessed by the lack of posting, there's been a lack of motivation.

I'm slowly reverting back to a slug... and I'm not happy about it.

Part of my problem is that I get caught up in an interest and that's all I want to do... and right now that's knitting.

The problem is that knitting is a sedatary activity. It only burns 90 calories an hour. Not exactly a great way to get my cardio in. Everytime I start to workout, my mind drifts to my knitting projects and how much I would rather be knitting.

So I've been slacking with the exercise, but the eating is pretty normal. I think I have conditioned myself about the eating... and that's taken years (the bulk of my weight loss came from diet, and only the last 20 lbs or so are related to increased activity... as you can only cut so many calories out of your diet and eventually you need to start burning calories to cause a deficit). I need to focus on getting the workouts as much a part of my life as the healthy eating is.

So any suggestions? How does one kick one's own butt? What can I do to motivate myself at this point?

Ouch!

I have a bad knee. I've dislocated my knee cap on several occassions and had surgery to remove a bone chip from where the knee cap struck one of my other bones and to tighten up the stretched out ligament. Since the surgery, I haven't dislocated my knee, but I do get a lot of knee pain. Between the scar tissue and the non smooth knee cap (from the bone chip) I'm very careful on which exercises I do.

I usually stick with low impact. I don't run (well, that's also partly because of the bust line... let's be honest that's not real comfortable either) and I avoid high impact exercises when I work with Maya. I adjust them so that they aren't as strenusous on my knee.

However, I've been feeling that I need to work harder if I want my weight to come off, so I increased Maya's intensity. She gave me some new workouts and I enjoy the variety. I've also been cocky and trying to do more of the high impact stuff.

Well, I'm now paying for it. Yes, I've been sore, but I would expect that with some new exercises and a more intense workout. However, I've moved past "sore" into pain with my right knee. That sharp stabbing pain that I hate.

So looks like Maya and I may need a little break and it looks like I'm going to have to cut back on her difficulty. It's really a shame. I want the variety and I want to work harder, but I guess it's like running. It's just not for me. I'm stuck with moderate workouts, which means longer workouts.

I'm feeling very discouraged again. I feel just as I get into the groove, I do something that causes me to have to slow down. Too much too fast, I'm sure, but I feel like I take two steps forward, then have to take a step back. It could be worse, it could be one step forward and two steps back. However, there's no doubt that I've been successful with 60 lbs lost and I need to remember that. This isn't the first time I've had to slow it down a bit and it won't be the last.

So I'll do some walking on the treadmill, keep tracking my food and try to stay positive.

Today's Positive Reinforcement:
I do not allow pain to keep me focused on the big picture.

Increasing the Difficulty...

I admit it, I'm a fairly lazy person. Okay, I'm a very lazy person. I'm not always good at pushing myself. I will always take the easy route.

One of my challenges with using Yourself!Fitness was to be more honest with the difficulty level. So I upped it...

Well, Maya decided that small increments are for losers, so she bumped me up... way up!

I couldn't finish my 45 minute weight loss workout today. She pooped me out!

The good thing about this is that I get new exercises which makes it more interesting. It also gives me a great goal. I'll continue to shoot for 45 minutes at this difficulty and I'll have a great sense of accomplishment when I can hit it.

I know that it will be easier to do on the other concentration days, as the cardio sections on those only last 15-20 minutes (depending if I'm doing 1 hour or 45 minutes).

The weird thing is that yesterday I did the upper body concentration and the cardio section was definitely harder, but the upper body/weight training section wasn't. She hardly even used weights with me and the reps were low. So it's going to take some tweaking to get everything balanced to make it challenging for me.

In other challenges, I'm back to the food logs. One day of logging was a wake up call.

Yes, I'm keeping my calories around 1500 (which is my goal), but I see some major gaps in nutrition that I'm missing. Mainly fruit.

The sad thing is I like fruit, but I'm lazy and just don't always think of it. So I'm going to concentrate on getting my fruit servings in.

I've been debating about returning to the Weigh In Wednesdays. I don't think I'm going to do it. The scale is soooo evil that it depresses me. Maybe a once a month weigh in? Or maybe I just need to forget about the weight loss and concentrate on my workouts and my food. More of a healthy lifestyle, challenging myself rather than worrying about losing weight? Hmmm, something to ponder.

Today's Positive Reinforcement:
I can force myself to work harder, even if I can't accomplish my initial goal, I can see it as a challenge.

Game Over? Hit Restart...

I'm a gamer. I love video games. I have a considerable amount of patience when I play a game. There was a section in The Thing (a great game, btw) that took me probably over 200 tried to get thru (it was worth it). Yes, there was a section in Soul Reaver II (an other favorite... Definitely my favorite series) that I was frustrated to the point of tears. Yet I persevered and now if I replay the game, I'm surprised at how frustrated I was at that point in the game. It's not as difficult now.

Life isn't exactly like a computer game, but sometimes I need to approach my obstacles in life with that kind of patience. Specifically when it comes to my weight loss. If I don't hit my goal, instead of seeing it as a failure and a disappointment, I need to see it as a challenge to get thru. Just hit restart, and try again.

I spent the last 3 weeks in a very poor sleep cycle. Between house guests, the monthly insomnia then Matt out of town for a week, I couldn't sleep. Actually, I slept like a baby. I woke up every 1-2 hours. I felt like crap during the day. Hung over, in a fog and was just simply irritable.

I didn't workout much over the last two weeks. I did a little here and there, but the lack of sleep thru me off my schedule and I went thru the motions most of the time.

So today I hit restart and will get back into focus. I'm on a normal sleep cycle again and I really want to put myself in a position where I am successful. I've been talking a lot about my self image and my own sense of self worth lately, and that's part of the restart. The "I can do this" rather than "I'm a failure because I can't lose my last 30 lbs".

I'm coming up on the one year anniversary with Yourself!Fitness. I've lost a total of 7 lbs using the program. Not exactly a "before and after" success story, but my body has changed considerably since I've been using the program. It's still the most interesting workout I've found. I just hope there will be an update soon....

So to do a restart here's what I plan on doing:

6 days a week with Yourself!Fitness, min. 45 minutes a day
5 microworkouts a week (or non-workouts workouts)
Food Logs
Personal
Positive Reinforcement

Today's Positive Reinforcement:
I have considerable patience, when I put my mind to it.

The Power of Words

You know the saying "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me". It's something we're all told when we get bullied in grade school.

This couldn't be farther from the truth. Yes, it's important to try to distance yourself from the hurtness of words. However, words in fact are very powerful things.

There are words that were said to me some time ago that were very hurtful and are still a motivating factor in my weight loss. I know that sometimes words are used by people to make themselves feel better about themselves... and maybe the intent wasn't so much to hurt me, but to boost their own sense of self. It doesn't really matter, as the words hurt me.

Words are a way we communicate, tell people how we feel about them. Make judgements. Careless use of words can be very hurtful indeed. We've all done it. Something slips out before you even realize what you're saying. However, there are a lot of people who love to use words as a weapon... a sharp dagger to make your own sense of self plumment while raising their's.

Just as words can be hurful, they also can be wonderful. Giving someone a compliment can change a whole day around for that person.

I spent a week listening to other people communicate and it made me evaluate what kind of words I use. Do I do the basics, like "please" and "thank you". Simple words of gratitude. Yes, I do. I thank my waiter for filling my water glass. I tell my grocery clerk to have a nice day. I thank Matt for taking out the garbage. I try tell someone when they are wearing an outfit that looks really nice on them.

I have a tendancy of using hurtful words to myself. I tell myself that I'm a slug. Or I'm too fat. Or I'm not pretty. Or I'm not a nice person. I would say that I'm my own worse critic (but, in fact I'm not). Positive reinforcement is important. From everyone, including, and probably most importantly, myself.

I also have a tendancy of down playing the compliment when it's given to me. I'll point out the flaws. If I made a sweater, I'll down play all the work I put in it or I'll only focus on the mistakes. If I get a compliment about my weight loss, I usually say, "oh, but I still have 30 lbs to go". In a way, I'm telling myself that I don't deserve praise. I'm trying harder to just say "thank you" when someone gives me a compliement.

So part of my fitness workout is also working out my self image. I'm not talking about the weight here. I'm the same person whether I'm wearing a 214 lb body or a 154 lb body. It's no different than wearing a red shirt or a blue shirt. Once may "look" nicer, but it's the exact same person inside.

I'm beginning to think this healthier lifestyle isn't really about the weight after all...