Suffering

First, just a great big thank you for the support after the nasty spam incident. It always feels like such an invasion when someone does it normally, and to hit at one of lowest points seemed particularly nasty. I truely appriciate the words of encouragement guys. I'm speechless at how to say how much it was needed and how much I appriciate it! Thanks so much.

So, what's been happening with me then? Well, I'm shaking off the bad mood and low self esteem the best I can. I'm back to a more steady workout, and I'm tracking the food thing again. It's just so hard to do the suffering. I mean, it 's obvious, but I really don't enjoy the feeling of being hungry, or pushing myself past my comfort zone, but it is the only way I lose weight.

It's intersting that this is happening during the Tour de France. My long time readers will know that I follow professional cycling as much as I can here in the States (we now only get live coverage of the TdF... this year the Giro was a weekly highlight show... and I have no doubt the Veulta will be too). I swear over the last 4 or 5 years, I've lost more weight during July than at any other time. It's a little thing I call "perspective".

How can I sit on my comfy little recumbant stationary bike, or workout on the treadmill or with Maya in my nice air conditioned house having complete control not only my enviroment, but also my effort when I watch the riders of the pelaton suffering every day for hours at at time for 3 weeks knowing that they are not there to win, but to help someone else win.

The big attention for the TdF is always on the overall winner (the "GC"), and of course that's Lance Armstrong. However, when you come right down to it, only maybe 4 or 5 riders have the goal of beating him. That's all... out of 189 riders that started only 4 or 5 of them have a goal of winning the overall race... or even finishing in the top 3. So why do all those other riders even go? To suffer for someone else. To support an other rider on their team. Sheild them from the wind, to bring them water bottles, to set a high pace to break other riders.

Hell, I struggle to work for myself, yet I see every day, riders turn themselves inside out, push themselves past their endurance just so someone else can win a stage, or a sprint or the overall race.

I'm not made for suffering. I watch my husband train for his amateur races, for his club training rides and I'm amazed at what he's willing to do to himself to get stronger and faster. He rides every day, covering over 200 miles a week on his bike. As he's said, he's found his "magic bullet"... the workout that he has a complete passion for. He loves riding, he loves the suffering, the pushing himself, to test himself on hard steep climbs. That's what I'm looking for. I haven't found my "magic bullet" yet. The workout that I can get passionate about. That I'm willing to do even on the days that I'm tired, or busy or just don't feel like working out. To have something that I love to so much that I have to do it and miss it if I don't.

Somehow, I don't think being a spectator counts.