It's a lonely business

I recognize that no one reads this blog, but it's more for me to focus on what I'm doing and have some kind of accountability. Sometimes, it does get a bit lonely as I feel that I'm alone in my struggles.

I see success on the Y!F forum and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm not losing weight or body fat anymore. I've absolutely hit a wall. Again. This is a constant problem with me. I'll lose5-6 lbs and then it just stops. It discourages me and I lose my enthusiasm. Today is one of those days.

I still weight 157 lbs and I'm at 38% body fat. I haven't lost a pound in a month. Nothing has changed in my evaluation. I've even increased how long I work out (and asked Maya to increase the difficulty).

I know that Matt is frustrated, but I think he's more frustrated by my mood rather than the lack of success. He just wants me to focus on the positive: to see how far I've come and how good the exercise is for me, even if I'm not losing weight. It's really hard for me to do. It's also a bit patronizing coming from someone who is an overacheiver (and has lost weight during my weight loss attempt, even tho' he wasn't even trying... the change in diet was enough for him to lose about 7 lbs since July).

This is part of my problem. I think for the first time in my life I'm very self concious of my body. I feel like the fat ugly wife next to him. I feel frumpy and unattractive. I really never felt like this before and I want to be as attractive to him as he is to me.

I'm beginning to feel overly obsessed with the weight loss (my life does revolve around it) and I don't have many that I can talk to about it. I do feel very alone with my struggles and just wish it weren't such a focus in my life.