Losing Weight Hasn't Changed My Self Esteem

It's kind of funny, I always had hoped that I would gain some self esteem and confidence as I lost weight. I put on so much weight due to these issues. Food was my comfort when I worked a very stressful, negative job. I was raised in a household where everything was my fault. I put on 60 lbs with in one year working as a professional scape goat.

I pulled back from social interaction (not that I did a lot in the first place) because I was self conscious of my weight and my lack of social skills. I had hoped that if I lost weight and became more physically active it would help me to feel better about myself.

It doesn't work like that. I still have all the self doubts I had before, I'm still socially awkward and I still don't belong in social groups. I continue to try to belong, but just like in high school, I'm eating lunch by myself.

When I had an 18th birthday party, 2 people showed up. I think it was a major realization in my life that I'm just not the sort of person that other people enjoy hanging out with. I had hoped as I matured and tried to be more social that I would get better at it, but I obviouslly haven't succeeded.

So yesterday while I was trying very hard not to be insulted that an invitation to my house was completely ignored so they could go to someone else's house, I truely struggled with my workout. I felt like a failure all day. It doesn't matter if I loose weight or if I complete 45 minutes of a workout, I'm still the same person that I was at 214 lbs.