Monday Morning Depression

Okay, so I'm feeling very discouraged again. Part of me is happy that I'm working hard and I know that it is good for me. The rest of me isn't seeing the results. The work to result ratio never seems balanced to me.

Part of it is that I'm back over 160lbs (barely, but I hate the constant flucuation) the other part is that I really haven't actually "seen" results. I've been working hard (I know I'm working hard, that's why I wear a heart rate monitor) eating right, yet not much going on. Once I remove the water retention period, I actually have only lost about 1 lb in 3 weeks. Working harder than I ever have before.

I'm doing the Yourself!Fitness every morning for at leat 30 minutes, and some days 45 minutes (and once a week I do a full hour) and almost every day I do a second workout (usually only 30 minutes).

I will say that there's been a definite drop in my fat percentage, which I know is great (and yes, muscle does weigh more than fat, so I'm replacing some of my lost fat with muscle), but I'm tired of the constant battle. I'm tired of it being the complete and utter focus of my life. I'm tired of being hungry. I'm tired of being sore. I'm just tired. And it doesn't go away. Ever. Even if I decide that I'm bagging it, I can't bring myself to stop. I've come too far and quite frankly, it looks like this is how hard I have to work just to keep my weight steady. How depressing is that?

I know that everyone is different and I shouldn't compare myself, but I'm seeing all these fabo results from people on some of the boards and it doesn't encourage me. Just the opposite, in fact. It's just not fair.

I guess part of the depression today is that I'm feeling guilty for having a high fat lunch on Saturday (and a beer), but dammit, if I can't do that occassionally, then what's the point. It's not like I eat like that daily, or even weekly for that matter.

Anyway, I'm in a feeling sorry for myself mood today and working out didn't help. I think I need a hot bath and a good book.