Not Happy

I'm so tired of this process. It took one holiday weekend to put on the 2 lbs that took me 4 weeks to lose. I'm back to 159 lbs and I'm in a super bad funk about it.

Matt is trying to be very supportive and I appreciate it, but I feel like a complete failure (just an other reminder that nothing I do is good enough). I'm so tired of being overweight and I do feel like I'm trying very hard to lose it but I just can't do it. I lose a couple then they come right back on (even if I'm exercising and watching what I'm eating).

So I had my progress evaluation with Maya today and apart from my weight being up, everything else was the same. The thing that I'm feeling the most positive about is the pushups. I could barely do 3 when I started working with Maya and now I can do 15 (tho' honestly it's probably only 13 as I don't think I had great form on my last 2). I know these are positives, but it also shows that I am working so why no more weight loss?

The weight loss is important to me. I can get the song and dance about being healthier is the goal, but quite frankly my over all weight is still too high. I'm barely below the obese level on my BMI and my body fat percentage is still way too high to be healthy. So it's great that I can do 15 pushups, but I'm still carrying around an extra 40 lbs.

I was looking at the Victoria's Secret site and I am envious of being able to wear their stuff. The largest bra size is a DD. I'm not even close to that. I'm tired of dealing with the specialty bra sizes (and even then, it's hard to find my size). I just want to be a normal size.

I just did a 30 minute workout with Maya (as I'm waiting to go out with a friend, but I'll do an hour later today either with Maya or on the treadmill) and it burned a whopping 153 calories. I'm exhausted and sore and I got to burn 153 calories. Woo-hoo.