The Ups & Downs

Yesterday I was feeling so positive. I was feeling good about my self. Today is just the opposite. what the hell happened? How can I feel all energized and happy then the next day crash into a ball of low self esteem?

It doesn't take much. I'm still having arm problems (and it's really really annoying me). I also posted on a knitting group a suggestion to help someone. The knitting police were immediately on my ass to say that I was wrong. The same knitting police that told me that I was using the wrong yarn for a project (altho' this person had never used the yarn or even looked at the pattern... but the knitting police are never wrong).

I also get frustrated at how slow my weight loss is. I see how successful other people are on the Y!F forum and instead of it encouraging me, it makes me feel like a failure. "I've lost 20 lbs since Christmas using Maya". Gee, it took me 6 months and a hell of a lot of work to lose 20 lbs. I know that everyone's different and I had already made so many changes to my diet, but I do get very discouraged at how slow this process is.

I'm so tired of being fat. I'm tired with how long it's taking. I'm tired of passing up crappy food. I'm tired of having to workout so much just to keep my weight steady. I'm tired of this being such a large focus in my life. I'm really tired of not seeing much results.

I started the Yourself!Fitness on October 1 (I think). That's 16 weeks of working out with Maya. At least 6 days a week, some times more. I've lost a whopping 9 lbs. I know that I should feel good about that, but I just wish that all this work would give me better results.

I know that this mood will pass, but right now I'm just wallowing in my own self pity. Probably because I feel like I can't do anything right. I guess I should workout. Maybe that will improve my mood. Sometimes that works (and sometimes it actually discourages).

Today's Positive Comment:
The sun is shining today.