Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due

Okay, I'm a Negative Nelly. I beat myself up a lot. I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about my frustrations and how much I need to lose. Yes, I do talk about the 60+ lbs I've lost, but I have a tendancy of down playing it. Even to myself.

I still don't "see" what I look like. I don't really have a sense of size. This is a problem, as I spend most of my time knitting things for myself. I sort of guess at what size is going to look okay, cross my fingers, and knit away. I've made some mistakes. My finished knitting projects are a mixed bag of too small and too large, with a couple of things that fit well.

I know my measurements, I know how many inches I've lost (7" just in my hips), but I can't seem to translate that to how I actually look.

Since I don't work, I don't really "need" clothes, and I would rather spend my clothing budget on yarn. So I have some jeans and tee shirts, and I've been buying new workout clothes as I need them. However, most of my clothes are in the larger sizes (okay, I got rid of all the 22's as soon as I could), but I still wear my size 18 leggings... ya, they just look like knit pants now rather than leggings, but they're comfortable and they're in good shape.

Sometimes, however, I need to look presentable and I wanted something for my father's birthday party this weekend. I could've worn my jeans and a tee shirt. It's not some kind of dress up party. A lot of people will be in jeans and tee shirts, but I just wanted to wear something a little nicer. So off to the mall I went. I dragged my dear friend Betty along so I had an other pair of eyes to give me an opinion.

I have to say I almost cried in the dressing room. In a good way. I pulled out a size 14 pair of pants, but Betty didn't think they were going to fit, so she shoved the size 12 at me and sent me off the the dressing room. I wear a size 12 pants. I wasn't expecting that. I have to honestly say I don't remember when I last wore a size 12.... maybe college?

However, I did learn a few things about my body. I'm short. I'm above average in boob size (we won't discuss some of the tops I tried on!) and lavender looks really really bad on me. I also learned that there's a lot of really really ugly clothes out there. I also learned that even tho' most of the short women I know are busty, petite sized clothes do not account for this...

So even tho' I know the numbers, they still have not quite settled into my brain. I guess I still "see" myself as I did at 214 lbs?... well maybe closer to 180 lbs.