So Now What?

My motivation, or rather the lack there of, is still an issue for me.

I just don't care anymore. Yes, I'm still aware of what I'm eating. Will I ever not be? I'm still working out, but it's still just the bare minimum. I just don't care enough right now.

Part of me knows that I go thru cycles with my interests and quite frankly I'm very distracted with my fiber projects. While I'm working out, I'm thinking about my current projects. I rush thru them so I can get back to them.

I did have another evauation with Maya this week. She thinks that I've tried the "cardio" focus long enough and I should seriously consider the weight loss workout. Gee, those 10 workouts with a cardio focus is a real indication of how successful I'll be on it. Especially when I did over 200 with the "weight loss" focus and lost a whopping 7 lbs. I really don't see how the programmers think that the weight loss program is going to help me lose weight. Yes it did in the beginning as it helped me to build muscle, but there really is a lack of focus on calorie burn with the weight loss program.

For me to lose weight, I need to keep my calories around 1500 a day and I need to burn approx 300 calories in exercise. That's a high calorie burn. Yes, I could cut my eating down to 1200 calories a day, but actually, I've tried that and I don't lose weight. It slows my metabolism down, I'm tired (and let's not forget hungry and irritable) and working out is near impossible with the few calories. I've tried it and I wasn't successful. The 1500 in +300 out has been the most successful ratio for me, but it's so hard for me to come up with the time to burn that many calories with out spending an hour and a half a day working out (and that doesn't include the weight training or stretching).

So I'm in a pissy mood (I'm sure it's noticable). I'm frustrated with myself, yet not enough to motivate my ass to work harder.

You know it's funny, I think that most people see my 60 lbs weight loss and think that I'm judging them on their weight. You know, it's funny, it's become just the opposite (now I admit I do judge poor decision making over food choices. There is no way anyone can justify drinking full sugared sodas on a regular basis). However, I know how hard this is. It is a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. I would never tell someone it's an easy process. I always say I follow an easy formula, but implementing it takes a lot of will power and dedication. and sacrifice. and sore muscles. and deprivaton. and hard work. and time. It becomes a full time job.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that I've changed my lifestyle to be so healthy, but part me really misses those days of just not caring. The days when I ate whatever I wanted (and as much) and never exerted myself physically any more than I had to. Sadly, that's how I got to 214 lbs and those days are long gone.

I know I'm healthier today, and I'm proud of what I've accomplished (yet I'm still beating myself up for allowing myself to get to 214 lbs). However, I'm still at an unhealthy weight and my cholesterol will forever be an issue for me. I always have to think about what I'm eating and how much I'm working out. I want to be 30 lbs lighter, putting me into a healthy weight range.

Dang, it's a good thing no one reads this. This turned into quite the blog entry, eh? Let's see if writing all this down motivates me to push myself to the next level (I doubt it...)