Gotta Keep On Movin'

So right now it's less about weight loss and more about simply moving!

I realized that my soreness and achiness is from the fact that other than my specific almost daily (well, okay sometimes) workout, I sit on my ass and knit or play video games.

That's a lot of time sitting on my ass.

So in addition to my regular workout, I'm really concentrating on moving. I'm not even wearing my heart rate monitor for this. I'm just getting on the treadmill and walking for a lap (1/4 mile) 4 times a day. Spreading it out every couple of hours. Not at a fast pace (as a matter of fact, I can even knit when I do this). It's more about getting the legs in motion rather than just sitting.

So while I'm hoping that it has some effect on my weight loss, right now I'm just trying to "feel better". Work out the kinks and soreness. Simply move. Hopefully this will lessen the soreness and I can up the level on my workout.

Hate is a strong word

So I've hit that point: what do I hate more?

Being fat or working out.

When ya come right down to it, that's what it's all about. Quite frankly, it's not the same from day to day.

However, the fat thing is getting to me. Not just the appearance thing, that's always irritating, but the physical things that come with it. The aches and pains, the effort to do things that shouldn't take effort.

I'm having leg aches (too sedatary) and some lower back issues. So the question becomes which I hate more? Tired, achy and in pain from a sedatary life style that has the added bonus of clothes not fitting and low self confidence or the tired, achy and in pain life style that boosts self confidense and improves my physical appearance.

Today the fat won out... and I did my workout. And I didn't hate it. Let's hope I can continue to hate the fat. 'Cause I know I'll never love the workout.

Haven't quite abandoned the blog yet

Tho' I must admit I'm feeling very discouraged right now.

And not just about my weight.

I have not had a lot of success in my life. I feel the more effort I put into something, the more disappointed I am when I fail. The weight loss has hit that point.

I've been spending more time and effort on my general appearance. Things like make up, haircuts, non sweatpants types of things. In fact, this has completely backfired on me. I actually feel worse about my physical appearance because of it.

I guess before I was putting in the effort, I could convince myself that was all I needed to do. Now that I've done it, and I don't look any better, I realize that the effort has no impact.

Just like the weight loss. Sure, I can gain weight. No problem. However, the more effort I put into it, the less successful I am with with losing weight.

So hard work doesn't always achieve good results. Something I learned a long time ago about a lot of things.

I'm not sure what my next step is. All I know is that I'm so disappointed, and it's a vicious cycle. I simply can't get motivated to do anything more, yet it's probably the only way to have any kind of result.