Holiday Workouts

Okay, why is it so much harder to do a workout on a holiday? I mean, it's not like I'm doing anything unusual today. The only thing different is Matt's home (but he works from home one day a week anyway).

So it's completely psychological. I guess I feel like it's the only "work" I do. My workouts are like my job. Something I know I have to do, but not something I really enjoy. (and hey, when I put it that way, an hour a day ain't so bad...)

So I did my Memorial Day workout, but it was tough (I've got nasty leg cramps: either I'm dehydrated, a good possibility or all those stupid lunges from yesterday have caught up to me). It feels good to do it and I won't feel guilty about skipping it now or from any special foods for dinner... not that I have anything planned but grilled chicken and a toss salad. Oh, and a jello dessert... sugar free jello with lite cool whip.

I will say that I don't expect any weight loss this week. Between the trip to Hershey and the holiday, and not doing any extra workouts, I'll be happy if I'm the same weight as last week.

Off to get some water in me (and maybe a soak in the tub).

Fun At The Park

Well, not at Fitness Park, but rather at Hershey Park (no relation).

Matt and I took a little mini-vacation yesterday to spend the day at Hershey Park. It was lovely. The crowd was small (lines were short for rides), the weather was beautiful and we had a great time.

The nice thing about Hershey Park is that it's not flat. It's actually a lot of work to move around the park. It's not huge (say like a Disney World park), but some of the inclines are steep. Spending the day there moving around uses muscles that neither Matt and I are used to.

Matt cycles everyday. He puts more miles on his bike annually than we do our car. He's in super shape, and I'm in much better shape than I've ever been. We didn't have issues while we were walking around, but this morning we both mentioned some soreness in unusual places (me it's the calves and with him it's his hip flexors). Just shows you that doing something different really does work different muscles.

Eating at an amusment park is usually the biggest problem for me, but I had decided to not really worry too much about it. Ironically, when I got home and keyed into Fitday what I had eaten, I discovered that I'm now completely trained for better eating (however, if the guy making the funnel cakes wasn't such a loser, I would have gotten one... so maybe the fates were with me. He gave me enough time to realize I didn't really need one). A soft pretzel for a snack (shared with Matt) and a gyro for lunch and a couple of bites of Matt's ice cream cone was my total food intake. The gyro was high in calories and fat, but since I didn't really eat much else, it kept me with in my food range.

Sadly, I didn't workout with Maya, and she'll tell me about it today. There really should be a way to give her a reason why you didn't workout with her. Granted, Matt still rode his bike after we got home, but even he's the first to admit that he's a freak. Oh well, she'll get over it. I'm coming close to 200 workouts done with her, so she should recognize that I'm consistant, even if I miss the occassional workout!

Wednesday Weigh In

Yikes, it's been a week already?

Well, I admit, I had pretty low expectations on my weigh in today. I've been meticulous with my food logs (note to self: you need more fruit and vegetables!) and I've been consistant with my workouts. The results? I lost 1 lb.

That's more than I expected. There have been very few times in my weigh loss journey that I've lost a full pound in one week. So here's the results:

Starting weight: 214 lbs
Last Week: 156.2 lbs
Today: 155.0 lbs

Further proof that I MUST keep a food log to lose weight. I'm averaging 1500 calories a day and I'm working out a minimum of 30 minutes (shooting for 45 most days).

One of the nice things about keeping the food logs for so long now is that I'm doing a lot less manual keying in of info. I do have certain things I eat and once they're in the system, I don't have to keep inputting them. I also finally figured out how to make a "favorites" list with FitDay (I use the PC version... well worth the $20 or so I spent on it). I eat the exact same breakfast everyday, and my lunch is fairly consistant (Boca Fire Grilled "burgers" Rock!). It makes the food logging much easier.

After the intense workout on Monday, I did do a light workout yesterday (if there's such a thing with Maya's Cardio workout). Today will be Upper Body and I think we'll workout for an hour. I'll lose those flabby arm flaps yet!

Intensity

Matt and I spent some time on Sunday talking about my workout intensity. Or rather my lack of workout intensity.

We decided that for me to "lose" weight, I need to increase my intensity. I can't cut back on my calories any more and I've made my workout a part of my daily activities, so the only way to kick up my weight loss is to push myself past my comfort zone.

So I'm going to increase the difficulty on my Yourself!Fitness program 3 times a week. On the days that I don't increase my intensity, I'll do two smaller "recovery" workouts (like the treadmill, stepper or stationary bike). I started today. I over-rode Maya's choice of a flexibility workout (yes, yes, I know, I said I wasn't going to do that, but I wanted to concentrate on burning calories today) so I could do the Weight Loss workout. Dang, did she whip my butt! 45 minutes with lots of cardio (I still like the Weight Loss workout and the Upper Body workouts the best... I think they are the most balanced).

Well, there's no doubt that I increased the intensity. For the first time, I got my heart rate up to 170 bpm today. It was tough, but I now feel great (yes, I'm freakin' sore... but aren't I always). I burned over 350 calories (I love my heart rate monitor!).

Since I'm only weighing myself one day a week, we'll see if there's any weight change on Wednesday.

Looking back so I can look ahead

I came across one of my first notebooks for tracking my weight loss the other day. I'm very glad that I did some tracking back in the beginning (I'm sorry I didn't start journaling a little sooner). It's been interesting to see how far I've come.

My notebook starts when I was 193 lbs in March of 2002. This wasn't my heaviest, but it's when I realized that I needed to get organized and put a plan together to be successful. When I was 214 lbs, I just cut down a bit on food and tried to be more active. It's a great way to start, but at some point, I needed to be specific on knowing what I ate and how much I was working out.

I've always said that calories are like money. If I don't know how much is the checking account, I will bounce checks. If I don't know how many calories I'm eating and burning, I will gain weight.

One of the consistant things I've noticed is that it really is a slow process for me. Part of me resents people who can lose 10 lbs in one week, or drop 50 lbs in 6 months. I haven't been able to do that. Even in the beginning, when weight usually is easier to lose, I was very slow to lose weight. I also have to remember that it's not a contest, even if others would like to make it into one.

I think that the main reason I'm glad I've been journaling is that it does remind me that I do eventually lose weight, just not as fast as I would like. So as I get frustrated with the slow weight loss (and I will), I just need to remember that it takes me a while to lose it. To not give up, but to just keep plugging away. After consistantly doing this for the last 3 years, well, doing it seriously for 3 years, I have lost 50 lbs. If I lose 20 lbs a year, that's a hell of a lot better than most people in my age group who average a 2-3 weight gain a year. If I can weight 60 lbs less at 36, than I did at 30, I certainly can weight 90 lbs less at 40 than I did at 30. That's the goal.

Losing Weight Hasn't Changed My Self Esteem

It's kind of funny, I always had hoped that I would gain some self esteem and confidence as I lost weight. I put on so much weight due to these issues. Food was my comfort when I worked a very stressful, negative job. I was raised in a household where everything was my fault. I put on 60 lbs with in one year working as a professional scape goat.

I pulled back from social interaction (not that I did a lot in the first place) because I was self conscious of my weight and my lack of social skills. I had hoped that if I lost weight and became more physically active it would help me to feel better about myself.

It doesn't work like that. I still have all the self doubts I had before, I'm still socially awkward and I still don't belong in social groups. I continue to try to belong, but just like in high school, I'm eating lunch by myself.

When I had an 18th birthday party, 2 people showed up. I think it was a major realization in my life that I'm just not the sort of person that other people enjoy hanging out with. I had hoped as I matured and tried to be more social that I would get better at it, but I obviouslly haven't succeeded.

So yesterday while I was trying very hard not to be insulted that an invitation to my house was completely ignored so they could go to someone else's house, I truely struggled with my workout. I felt like a failure all day. It doesn't matter if I loose weight or if I complete 45 minutes of a workout, I'm still the same person that I was at 214 lbs.

Wednesday Weigh In

Well, I believe my Wednesday Weigh In went as I expected. I have put on a few pounds (2, to be exact) but that's not something I'm going to be upset about. Considering that I had been eating unhealthy and not exercising much, I think 2 lbs is a reasonable amount of weight gain.

It's also an easily losable amount of weight. Yes, it's a step backwords, but I also think it has kick started me into working harder and more consistantly again.

So here's the numbers:
Starting weight: 214 lbs
Current weight: 156.2 lbs

Starting Body Fat: 46%
Current Body Fat: 37%

It is interesting to note that my body fat has dropped a percentage from when I was at 154 lbs. I have upped my weight lifting over the last week, so maybe some of my weight gain in a little more muscle? All those lunges paying off?

Anyway, the overall package ain't bad, but I'm hoping that I can kick the next 20 lbs this year (which will move me into a healthy body range).

Food and Exercise

Well, duh, that's what I'm doing here, right? Trying to think out loud my food and exercise program. So not a very original title.

It's a bit like my workout/food right now. Not very original. But, hey, I'm working. I'm working hard.

I've bumped up my workouts again, keeping my Fitday log and I'm feeling it. I'm sore (I've even been doing lunges! Yikes!). I still don't think I'll ever get used to being sore. It's not always this bad, but there's almost always a little soreness somewhere. It's a sign that I'm working hard, but I'm hoping that translates into some more weight loss...

So Weigh In Wednesdays will be back this week. I've been avoiding the scale, which is never a good thing. Matt is not thrilled with Weigh In Wednesdays, as he knows that it usually puts me in a bad mood. I'm always disappointed in myself. I want the weight to come off and come off quickly. It doesn't. I don't think I've ever lost more than 2lbs in one week in my life. I expect the scale to be up a little this week... hopefully it'll be good motivation to keep on plan.

One of the reasons I started blogging was for thinking out loud my struggles. I'm not sure if this encourages or discourages others. Or even if anyone even reads this, but I have found it helpful to keep a journal to see where I get discouraged or to be able to pat myself on the back. Most people are not happy for other's weight loss/healthier lifestyles. I get more discouraging remarks (subtle put downs) than encouragement for the most part. However, the people who have been encouraging to me have meant the world to me.

It's hard to ignore the little subtle put downs (even if they are meant to lift the self esteem of the person putting me down, they're still put downs to me). Part of it is recognizing the source and to maybe avoid the negative influences as much as you can. However, it always comes back to being responsible for myself and being comfortable with my decisions and the knowledge that this lifestyle is healthier for me. It's worth a little soreness.

Exercise is Like Drawing

Well, at least for me. When I was an art student, I used to have this issue when I was drawing. I would start a picture and fall in love with a way a section was turning out. Instead of looking at the whole picture, I would just keep working the area that I loved.

I do the same thing with my workouts. I'm still focusing on my upper body. I did an hour upper body workout with Maya today. It was a gruelling workout. I think part of the reason I like her upper body workout so much is that it's actually a full body workout. She has me do a lot of lunges/squats with some upper body moves (like shoulder presses). She also always ends with a core program (someone really needs to tell her that if I can't do straight leg planks, there's no way in hell I can do one leg planks). So between a good 20+ minutes of cardio, then all those squat/lunge combos, back, shoulders, bicep and tricep exercises, I also get some nice planks (plus all those chest presses/flys on the ball will work my abs too). All in all the hour workout burned almost 400 calories. Maybe that's why I like the upper body workout so much.

It also may have to do with the missing fat pad on my back. That was one of the triggers for me to start losing weight. I was getting a fat/hump between my shoulders. It was making my posture worse (I do not have good postures). It's completely gone. I also have better posture.

However, I still have so much to go. My upper arms are still heavy. The muscles are there. I've been surprised at how much muscle I've been able to develop, but I still have too much fat on my body. I'm working on it, tho. I'm back to a 1500-1600 calories a day diet. My current goal is to break the 150lb mark.

Lunge This

I hate lunges. I hate them with a passion. If I do too many of them, they become dangerous, as I can't keep proper form. I know they're good for me, so I continue to do as many as I can.

Maya, however, loves lunges. She can give me 30 plus minutes of lunges in one workout. Even if I'm doing an upper body concentration. Okay, I maybe exagerating a bit. But just a bit. The other day I did a 45 minute upper body concentration. Not including the double lunges during the cardio (which don't really count, as they're not really lunges... they're hard, but not the same) I did a solid 12 sets of 8 lunges. I tried to increase/decrease difficulty, but she had it in her head that I needed lunges. That's almost 100 lunges in one workout. A workout that I was to concentrate on my upper body.

I will add that I did do a lower body workout one day for 45 minutes. After the 15 minute cardio section at the beginning, the rest of the workout was nothing but lunges. Lunges on the step. Lunges with weights. Lunges with a pulse. Reverse lunges. Squat/lunge combos. Directional lunges. For 30 minutes. It's simply too much.

However, I do what I can, then try to do something else. I will also do a stationary lunge and not do any movement (it's the movement that puts strain on my knee). I figure holding the position will still strengthn the muscles.

I will say that I do need a little more work on the lower body strength training. I'm not fond of doing it, so I don't do as long or as hard as I do when it's upper body day. That's gotta change. Even if I don't do it with Maya, I could do it on my own (all those great exercises I did post knee surgery would make a nice workout... and that's what I was doing before I started using Yourself!Fitness).

So a 3o minute workout with Maya this morning. However, I need to boost the weight loss (Matt says we can go to Simon Pearce once I break the 150 lb mark), so I'll probably ride the stationary bike this afternoon for 10 miles or so.

7 months and counting

I've been working out very regularly with Maya now for 7 months. I've lost a little over 10 lbs working with her. I've gained a lot of muscle. Considering how often I work with Yourself!Fitness, I'm amazed at how far I've come and how much I still can't do.

I was doing my workout yesterday. While I was doing the T-Step, I remember how difficult it was to learn the moves of the workout. Now I just automatically can switch between it and the other step workouts without even missing a beat.

There are still steps I just don't get. The Out Out In. I just do a Step Touch with that. I still can't do many jumping jacks (they hurt my feet... again, I'm sure it has to do with my 154 lb body on my little size 5-1/2 shoe foot). I don't even want to discuss my pushups skills. I think I've improved from being able to do 5 to 10. In 7 months. Yes, that's a 50% improvement. Some days I can even do a few extra (maybe not with great form) but more often then not, 10 is my max.

Matt and I spent some time yesterday talking about focus, commitement, and routines. It was very helpful to verbalize my struggles and have someone listen and offer support. This isn't easy. To keep focus long enough to lose this much weight is a definite challenge. It's easy to get discouraged and to get tired of the process.

All in all, I think Yourself!Fitness has been a saving grace for me. Yes, it has become a little monotonous (I unlocked everything by the end of October), but it's still the most interesting workout I've done to date. I do hope that there will be a sequel and they get a little more creative with it. Maya lives in a virtual reality. How cool would it be to unlock really cool, exotic locations? I think a Mars landscape, or a prehistoric setting with dinosaurs or Mayan ruins would all be fun. I know that this product is being targeted to non gaming females, but us gaming females would love more unlockables. Maybe even after completing so many workouts you get a little mini game (a trivia nutrition quiz?). So much possibilities. I just hope that there will be more (*cough* and soon) as I really do like using my Xbox for workouts and I think it's mostly balanced workout (less lunges would be nice, tho')

Today's Positive Comment:
Matt finished 13th out 51 riders for the Turkey Hill Country Classic cat 5 bike race. Even tho' he lost his keys on the ride (and therefore was distracted during the race!)

Why is this so freakin' hard?

One of the most frustrating things for me is the exercise constistantly. I go thru phases where I'm doing a good solid workout everyday. Then all of a sudden, the motivation stops.

Logically, I know that the key to a healthy life is exercise. I'm always very happy with myself when I do a workout, but I just can't bring myself to do more than the bare minimum right now.

It's so hard to be consistant. Even when it becomes a habit (which it did), I had some minor phyiscal ailments that made working out uncomfortable, so I started putting off the workout, and I'm still not back to into the groove.

I write down my commitments, I see myself in the mirror, I try to motivate myself, but nothing is working. I put on my workout clothes, put Maya in the Xbox, and just go thru the motions for a bit, then cut her short.

I'm so incredibly frustratrated with myself. I just don't know what to do to push myself to lose the next bunch of weight (btw: my weight is consistant. I'm still around 154 lbs... so at least I haven't gotten to the point of gaining weight).

Sometimes I think I'm the only person that this is hard. Part of me cheers myself for sticking with a healthy lifestyle, but also wonder why I'm trying so hard for such minimal results. I look in the mirror and still see a very fat woman. I know I've built a lot of muscle and that I've lowered my cholestrol to a healthy range, but I don't look healthy.

Okay, I guess I need to do a positive comment for today. This is a hard day to think of something positive about my health and fitness program. So how 'bout I mention that the sun is shining brightly. Summer is coming and the grass is green.